


Coming Back

by Willowy



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Grief, Intense sexual situations, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-05 15:17:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowy/pseuds/Willowy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His friends decide this has gone on long enough. Can they help, or will it do more harm than good?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Coming Back**

 

Spencer sat in the dark. He rarely left the couch these days. He ran his fingers over the page in the open book… her note, her message. Thomas Merton. He closed the book and held it to his chest, dropping his head back, eyes closed. Agony. His stomach, his head, his arms and legs. And his chest. His chest was the worst. Right where his heart was. A searing soreness that made it hard to breathe. A dent, a bruise, a gaping hole lit on fire. It felt like all three. It _was_ all three.

 

He hadn’t spoken in weeks. He couldn’t. He’d refused all attempts at contact. They’d reached out every day. His friends, his… family. He didn’t want them. He didn’t want anything.

 

He jerked his head up as he heard a noise. A scraping sound. He looked as if in a fog at the direction of the sound and he saw the curtains move. Was he dreaming? He couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter if he was awake or asleep any more, the pain was always there. He blinked away as a shaft of light shot into the room, the curtains pushed aside. A dream. It had to be. He watched with detached interest as a booted foot appeared through his now open window, followed by another. Someone come to kill him then? An UnSub?

 

A tiny body rolled into the room, springing up just as quickly, gun immediately poised to fire at any threat, blonde hair flying. Her eyes darted around the room and as they landed on him, she lowered her weapon. They looked at each other in silence.

 

“Hi, JJ.” He croaked. If it even really was her, he wasn’t sure. But if she was a dream, he still didn’t want to be rude.

 

Her shoulders sagged in relief, but her words were angry. “Don’t you ‘Hi JJ’ me, you little shit! Do you know how worried we’ve all been? How – “

 

Spencer ignored her and slowly stood, looking for all the world like a man of ninety instead of thirty. He walked down the hall heading for his bedroom and closed the door behind him.

 

JJ watched him go in disbelief, then holstered her gun and followed him, slowly opening the bedroom door and taking it all in. His room in such disarray, books and clothes everywhere, his thin, folded body in his dirty robe on the unmade bed, his back to her.

 

A lump rose in her throat as she looked around. None of this was Spence. This person was barely alive. She moved to the bed and gingerly sat on the edge. She reached out to touch his arm, but decided against it and said in her quietest voice, “I’m sorry, Spence. I’m sorry I yelled. I just needed to see you, to know that you’re alive.”

 

He visibly flinched and then she did reach out to touch him. She gently moved him onto his back and pushed his dirty hair from his eyes. He looked at her then, knowing she was there and she suppressed a gasp at the visible grief, the agony in his red-rimmed eyes. They were dark, sunken hollows… holes in his face. They gleamed dully with tears, but none fell. Purple bruises ringed them, far darker than was his usual, and they tore into her heart.

 

“Oh, Spence…” she tilted her head and pressed her lips together in a grim smile as she reached up to smooth his tense brow. She hadn’t expected this. She really hadn’t known what to expect, thought herself ready for anything. Not this, though. Not this. Not this shell of a person masquerading in her dear friend’s body. It’s like he was empty.

 

She didn’t know what he would want so she just took charge. She’d be damned if she’d let him just lie there in his own filth, so she slid one arm under him, forcing him to sit up. JJ was strong, but she was surprised at how light he was, like he hadn’t eaten anything in days. He still hadn’t said a word to her and continued his silence as she stood him up, guiding him into the bathroom and turning on the shower. She started to take off his clothes and he stopped her, avoiding her gaze as he slowly disrobed.

 

She moved slowly out of the bathroom, giving him privacy and said “Spence, I’ll be right here-“ then she heard a loud THUD as he hit the floor and she opened the door to see him on his side, naked, bleeding from his shoulder.

 

JJ went into emergency mode then. This wasn’t working as is and he needed help. She found herself thinking she should’ve brought Morgan, but he wasn’t here, only her. She made a decision then and quickly started removing her own clothes, leaving her undergarments on. She bent down and tugged at Spencer, surprised when he began to get up on his own, but she still didn’t trust him in the shower by himself, he was too unsteady. She wrangled him into the shower and pushed his head under the spray as she reached for the soap. He braced his arms against the tile, and gasped as the water ran over his long-neglected skin. She made soft, reassuring small talk as she washed him, paying special attention to the cut on his shoulder, and for the most part he cooperated… he just didn’t _say_ anything, didn’t look at her. She reached for his shampoo and he stopped her hand.

 

“I’ll do it,” he said. JJ nodded as the water cascaded down them both and took the soap again, rubbing it all over his back as he washed his hair. She started to come out of emergency mode and she couldn’t help but notice his well-formed backside, and the way the muscles in his back played against his slender frame as his raised hands worked the shampoo into his hair. She’d glimpsed the front of his body and had tried to avert her eyes but what was there was impressive, and unexpected. She chided herself for thinking that way and bent her mind to the task at hand. She reached around him and after making sure he was all rinsed, turned the water off. She stepped out and opened the linen closet, unsurprised to find perfectly stacked, untouched, fluffy white towels at the ready. She wrapped one around herself, tucking the end in, then opened one for Spencer to step into, which he did, slowly.

 

He just kind of stood there, unshy, and he tilted his head toward her. “Thanks.” He said. She looked up at him, and lifting her hand to his bearded face said, “What are friends for?” and she smiled a tiny smile. “Do you want to shave?” she asked him. He looked into the mirror and said, “I guess.”

 

She thought the shower had revived him a little, and his shoulder cut was superficial so she left him then to his ablutions. She went into his room and removed her wet underthings, dried off and got dressed back into her clothes, pulling her wet hair back into a ponytail, then looked into his bedroom closet for fresh sheets for his bed. After getting that done she went back into the hall and knocked on the bathroom door.

 

“You okay?” she asked.

 

“Yes.” He answered, and she could tell he was brushing his teeth.

 

She went into his kitchen, dirty dishes everywhere, and marveled again at how unlike Spencer this all was. She found a clean bowl, then got a can of soup from the pantry and heated it in the microwave. She was getting it ready when he suddenly spoke, startling her.

 

“I’m really tired.”

 

She recovered and said “I know Spence, but when was the last time you ate?” He shrugged and she gently pushed him down into one of the kitchen chairs. He started to protest and she said “Just a couple bites, for me?”

 

Spencer obediently picked up the spoon and took one, two, three spoonfuls before setting it down and pushing up from the table, moving slowly back down the hall to his room and crawling into bed, towel and all.

 

JJ followed him then, pulling the clean sheet up over his sore shoulder, and bringing up his comforter waist high. She couldn’t help but run her hand over his still damp head, smoothing his hair and tucking a piece behind his ear. She bent over and planted a tiny kiss on his temple and whispered “I’ll be right in the other room.”

 

“You can leave now,” he whispered back, the effort of full voice too much.

 

“I know, but I’m not going to.”

 

“You can go,” he whispered again, as he slid into sleep.

 

“Not a chance,” she thought.  She went out to the kitchen and started cleaning, starting the dishwasher before moving into the trashed living room. “Not much ‘living’ going on here lately,” she thought as she picked up empty pizza boxes, unopened mail, and discarded clothing. She made a pile of his books, not wanting to put them back out of place, and sat on the couch, pulling out her phone. “Hey Garcia. I’m in.”

 

“OMG did you have to break in?” was the immediate response.

 

“No, but I did have to come in through the window.”

 

“He’s…?”

 

“Alive. Not good though. I’m really worried, Pen. Can you tell Hotch I won’t be in for a day or so?”

 

“Sure, but how is he? I mean did he talk to you, did he tell you what-“

 

“No. I managed to get him in the shower and he ate a couple bites but he can still barely speak. I’m staying here tonight.”

 

“OMG OMG should we come? Derek and I?”

 

“Honestly? I think it would be too much for him right now. Give it a day or so. He’s been isolating and I’m not even really welcome here as it is.”

 

“But you’re not…”

 

“Leaving? No way.”

 

Penelope smiled at that and felt relief on Reid’s behalf for the first time in weeks.

 

“It’s like he’s underwater, Pen. Like nothing is real to him. He’s like an old man…and his face, his eyes…”

 

Garcia’s own eyes started tearing up at hearing this and she said “Oh JJ… what can I do?”

 

“Just… leave it to me for a little bit. I’m going to see if I can get the ball rolling. If not, I can always call for reinforcements. Have you gotten hold of Emily yet?”

 

“Left messages at all her numbers, but she’s on assignment. I didn’t tell her why, didn’t want her to worry but I know she’ll call as soon as she gets back to London.”

 

“Good, okay, and thanks. Only tell Hotch all this, alright? Nobody else needs to know his private details right now.”

 

“Derek needs to know, JJ.”

 

“Okay, but just those two. Let’s keep this Spence’s business for now. As much as we can, anyway.”

 

“Roger, chica. Give him my love, ok?”

 

“Will do.” JJ closed the connection and looked around. She reached back and turned on the side-table lamp as she noticed night approaching. What a comfortable home he had, really. It was just so him. Warm color on the walls, soft lighting, books everywhere you looked, sturdy, comfortable furniture, classic lines. All Spence. She smiled as she looked on the other side table and noticed a corded, rotary phone. Of course. She was surprised it wasn’t wall mounted, with a horn-shaped mouthpiece to speak into. She loved that he had an old but pristine stereo on one of the shelves, and an entire bookcase dedicated to his vinyl record collection.

 

What an enigma her dear friend was. Blessed with the sharpest, most capable mind she’d ever known, yet he preferred things from a much simpler time, eschewing technology whenever he could, though still easily mastering and adapting its benefits for certain uses. She loved that about him, and cherished his uniqueness above all other things. She would see him right. There’s no way he would suffer alone any more. Enough was enough, whatever he needed, she would give him. She went to the kitchen to put on a fresh pot of coffee when she heard him scream. 


	2. Chapter 2

Jennifer let go of the pot letting it fall in the sink and ran into his room. He was on his back, face turned away, neck craned, hands fisting in the sheets saying “No, no, no…” over and over again, his legs kicking as if to get away. _Nightmare_. She ran to his bedside, leaning over him, frantically trying to think of how to help. She grabbed his thrashing arms, holding them to the bed and leaned in close.

 

“Spence… _Spence_ … it’s okay, it’s me, I’m here, wake up now, _wake up now_ ” she murmured, over and over, hoping some of it was getting through. Spencer yelled “NO!”, and sat up, surprisingly strong, pushing her away in the process. JJ lost her balance as she was flung back and fell to the ground, unhurt but surprised, and scrambled back up next to him.

 

He looked up at her as if seeing her for the first time and said “JJ! Just go, alright? Just _GO!”_ He ran his hands through his hair and looked up at her, mouth open, his eyes wide and terror-filled. “God, why are you here? Just go! I’m a mess, can’t you see? You can’t be here! This place, _this time and everything! I’m such a mess! I can’t – “_

 

He was crying and she was now too and she shoved him over and sat on the bed next to him, embracing him and holding him tight. He struggled against her but she held fast and soon he was gripping her as tightly as she held him. He held her as if she were a lifeline, and she was. At that very moment, she was.

 

She rocked him then, holding tight to his shaking body, running her hands over his bare back, lightly kissing his temple, doing anything she could to make contact, to be as close to him as possible. After a while, when he had calmed some, she leaned back a little, rubbing both of his arms and asked “Are you cold?” He nodded and she smiled a tiny smile at him, cupping his freshly-shaved face with both hands. His eyes caught hers and she wondered at the look in them. There was a question there but she didn’t know what it was so she just said, “Where do you keep your pjs?”

 

He just looked at her and said “JJ?”

 

“Hmm?” She smoothed a lock of hair behind his ear.

 

“Will you stay here then?”

 

“Mm-hmm. I plan on it. Is that okay with you now? I can totally sleep on that huge couch out there.”

 

“No, I mean… stay here.” And he nodded to the other side of his bed.

 

She raised her eyebrows at him but said “Is that what you need?”

 

He looked at her honestly and said “I don’t know.”

 

She took his hand and entwined her fingers with his. “I’ll be here wherever you want me to be.”

 

He looked down at their hands together, squeezed once, then slid back under the covers, so exhausted, yet relieved that she’d be there. “I didn’t mean it when I told you to leave.”

 

“I’m glad.”

 

“I’m sorry if I-“

 

“Spence. Don’t.”

 

He rolled over then, so very tired. He was asleep so fast she didn’t have time to get him into his flannels.  

 

 

 

JJ killed the light in the living room. She’d stayed up as long as she could, listening for any sounds from him, any signs of distress, and watching old movies. She’d popped some popcorn and curled up on the couch, unable to really sleep. But now she was tired and she crept into his room, not wanting to wake him, but not wanting to sleep in her clothes, either. She padded over to his dresser and started with the lower drawers, usually where the pjs were, and was surprised to find just one pair of flannel pants and one huge t-shirt. She held them both up and decided she’d better save the pants for him.

 

That’s right. He slept only in that towel. And her underthings were stuffed in a plastic bag by the front door, still wet. Hmm. She looked over at him, sleeping innocently. She smiled. This wasn’t just some random guy, this was Spencer, her Spence. He would never try to… then she was struck by another thought.

 

Would it be so bad if he did?

 

“No.” he murmured. “No don’t… _don’t!”_ He moved restlessly on the bed and JJ stopped thinking about the clothes and just stripped and threw the t-shirt on, leaving her clothes where they fell. If he was having another nightmare she was going to be beside him. She pulled back the sheet opposite Spencer and slid into the bed, looking at his face. His brow was clenched and his mouth was moving like he was trying to talk. JJ took it slow, so as not to startle him but she moved closer and started rubbing his head, smoothing his hair back and whispering to him.

 

“Spence… shhh. Listen. I’m right here, alright? I’m right here.” She put an arm around him and he turned on his side, away from her, bringing his legs up until he was in the fetal position.  

 

“Not good,” she thought. She moved closer to him and curled herself around him, feeling his warmth, enjoying this closeness, hoping he could feel it.

 

Then he did something unexpected. Spencer woke up, or seemed to. He turned over and looked directly at her, his hand going to her face. “You are so beautiful.” He said. “Don’t ever leave me, not again…”

 

JJ startled at that and saw in his glazed eyes that he was still asleep. Did he think she was-?

 

Then he started whispering at her ear. “JJ, JJ”, as he moved closer, his towel falling away. He rubbed his face against hers and moved his lips to her throat.

 

She moved closer to him, letting her hand roam down to his backside, cupping the curve of it, and loving the smooth feel of his lean, taut muscles but she was also confused… did he know she was there? Or did he think she was Maeve… he had said her name but… he said ‘don’t leave me ever again…’ what did it mean to him?

 

She closed her eyes as he kissed her throat… god it felt so good but… she had to know. She took his face in her hands and said “Spence. Are you here? Are you with me?”

 

He blinked, then nodded, looking deep into her eyes. He whispered, “Yes.”

 

 JJ could feel his intentions pressing against her thigh. She needed to commit to this or get out, and she knew it. There was no question that she wanted him, she’d wanted him a long, long time. But she didn’t know, wasn’t sure if this was the right… then he moaned softly, pressing against her and she knew he needed this and her own words came to mind “ _anything he needs_ …” and she decided to stop overthinking it and just let go.

 

She slid one hand down his lean back to his butt again as she hooked one leg around his. She kissed him fully on the mouth and they both started breathing harder, god _his lips_. He broke the kiss and looked into her eyes again like he didn’t believe she was really there. “God, JJ”… he whispered, “I just want to feel something that isn’t pain…” Spencer moved against her and she clung to him then, whispering back, “I know baby… come _here_.” and she reached down and encircled his erection with her hand.

 

He cried out then and jerked as JJ stroked him once, twice, three four five six times and she couldn’t stop touching him now, god he felt _so good_. Spencer was rocking against her hand, his eyes closed as she stroked him, everything was happening all at once and she was swept up in it, she wanted him in her _now_ and she slid further under him and guided him to her entrance. Spencer moved on top of her and slid his arms under her shoulders as if by instinct. He stopped just at her wetness, teasing with mini-thrusts, wetting his head with her slick response. She was panting now and moving against him, moving with him, pushing her sex against his head.

 

He pushed fully into her, finally, encasing himself in her heat and he gasped at the feeling of her, the feeling of silky tight heat, the feeling of _home_. She moved both hands down to his ass because he was not far enough in, it wasn’t _enough_ and she shoved him deeper, feeling him completely in her and she arched against him, meeting every thrust and he just kept going. Deep and slow he went, and JJ’s legs were in the air and she couldn’t stop bucking against him, her inner muscles pulling him in again and again. She grabbed the back of his head and kissed him, deep and rhythmic, in time to his movements, loving his cock thrusting into her and out and in… Spencer’s hand slid under his tshirt and thumbed her nipple, squeezing her breast and she tossed her head side to side. “Spence… my Spence…” she breathed, come in me, sweet man… _come in me ahhh god_ she panted and Spencer groaned against her throat. “ _It’s coming JJ…_ ” he murmured between gasps. “I can feel it oh god…” he panted against her, pushing into her tight wet heat harder, faster. “AhhhAHHHH!” he cried out as his orgasm took him, groaning and breathing hard against her throat as his cock jerked and exploded into her. His skin was slick with sweat as she kissed his neck, his throat and he tasted _so good_ and she didn’t want him to stop not yet… _not yet_ …  

 

He didn’t stop. He was gasping for air but he kept his still-hard cock in her, moving his hand down to rub the slickness of her nub as he kept gliding into her, even wetter she was now with all his cum leaking out of her and he slid two of his long fingers in alongside his cock, his thumb sliding back and forth along her clit. Nothing he’d read could’ve ever prepared him for this feeling, but he was out of the madness of it now and could watch her, see her respond, and give her what she had given him.

 

He reveled in her moans of pleasure, the way she was letting go, her head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth slack and open. He bent his head to capture her mouth as he pumped her still, and he could feel himself becoming aroused again at the sight of her, the feel of her kisses once more. Harder he grew until he was even more erect than before, and he kept going, his fingers still in her alongside his cock, his thumb never leaving her clit, his mouth and hers tangling, nibbling, tongues battling as their passion rose again without ever leaving entirely.

 

She grabbed his head as they kissed, then broke free pressing his face against hers, gasping, moaning louder as her abdomen curled with her imminent release. Spencer was merciless as he sensed her nearing climax, moaning into her ear and whispering _“Come for me, just let go beautiful, my JJ, my JJ…”_ as his rigid cock kept at her, kept up his powerful thrusting into her again and again. He took his fingers out and sped up his pace, bracing himself against the bed, nearing orgasm again himself and wanting to get there with her. JJ dug her nails into his back and shouted his name into his neck as she came, her sweaty face buried in his hair, clinging to him as her body arched and convulsed in wave after wave of ecstasy, peaking in unison with him as he shot into her a second time, emptying himself completely, releasing not only his seed, but his pain.

 

He slumped against her, spent. She wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him, not caring that his full weight was on her. She rubbed her cheek against the damp hair against his ear and kissed it softly, feeling their hearts slamming in time together, and crooning breathless words of comfort, of love. He leaned up on one elbow and just looked at her and she saw the briefest of smiles flit across his face. Still inside her, he put his fingers to her soft, swollen lips and whispered “Thank you.”

 

“Shhh,” she whispered back, still breathless. “Rest now you beautiful man.”

 

He did smile then, not enough to part his lips, but she could tell he was feeling happiness for probably the first time in weeks. So was _she_ , god what _was_ that? She certainly didn’t expect that to be as amazing, as intensely powerful as it had been.

 

He moved off of her, catching his breath as he withdrew and lay on his stomach, leaving his arm on her as if he was afraid she’d disappear. She brought her knees up, curling her body towards him, and bringing her hand up to brush his tangled hair away from his heavy-lidded eyes.

 

“Please don’t go.” He murmured, on the edge of sleep.

 

She smiled at him. “I’ll be right here,” she said, feeling herself drowsing along with him. At that moment, Jennifer Jareau could think of nowhere on Earth she’d rather be.   

 


	3. Chapter 3

She woke up and he wasn’t there, his wrinkled towel still in his spot. She sat up and looked around, scanning for her clothes. She grabbed her jeans off the floor and tugged them on, then stopped at the bathroom to wash her hands and face before going out to see about Spencer.

 

She found him in the living room, shirtless and wearing the flannel bottoms she’d found last night, putting away the stack of books she’d made yesterday. He looked over his shoulder at her, then resumed his shelving and said. “There’s coffee and I made some toast with jam. Sorry, I don’t have much in the way of groceries right now, but it should get you going.”

 

JJ watched him, unsure of his cool demeanor. “Um, okay… thanks. Good morning?”

 

He looked over his shoulder at her again. “Good morning.” He bent to pick up more books, ignoring her.

 

She went over to him and reached her hand out. “Hey, everything alright?”

 

He flinched at her touch and didn’t look at her. “Yes.”

 

“Spence…” she said.

 

He did look at her then. Or sort of. He more looked _through_ her, and it chilled her. This wasn’t the reception she was expecting after the intensely passionate night they’d had.

 

She took a step back from him. “I’ll just go finish getting dressed,” she said.

 

He said nothing, just continued shelving.

 

“ _Like a robot_ ,” JJ thought.

 

She began to worry as she buttoned up her shirt, after folding his borrowed tee and laying it on the edge of the bed. Should she say something? Or just go along with his apparent mood? She was out of her comfort zone and was unsure how to react. It was almost like he wanted to pretend last night never happened. One thing’s for sure, she’d never received _that_ response before. JJ felt hurt. They’d been as intensely intimate as two people could be, and she was still feeling the effects of that passion and wanted him to… what? Well at least _acknowledge_ it! A hug, a kiss, a touch? Something. She knew he had to be feeling something.

 

She went back out and he was seated at the dining room table, a piece of toast in his hand. He looked at her briefly before darting his eyes away and taking a sip of his coffee.

 

“Ssooo, I should just go, then?” she asked, motioning towards the door.

 

Spencer nodded without lifting his eyes.

 

She dropped her arm, tilting her head and just looking at him in disbelief.

 

“Spence-“

 

“Do me a favor?” he said

 

“ _Finally,”_ she thought. “Sure, what?”

 

“Tell Hotch I’ll be coming in later this week. I need to talk to him about a few things.”

 

She started to get angry now. “That it?” she asked, her voice sharp.

 

“Yes.”

 

She started to leave, opening the front door.

 

“JJ?”

 

She turned quickly, hoping again for some response from him, but all he did was nod at the side table where her gun and badge lay. She stalked back and scooped them up, and turned to go again, picking up the bag containing her still-damp underthings on her way out.

 

She stopped at the open door and not looking at him, softly said “I know you’re hurting. That doesn’t give you the all-clear to hurt me, too.”

 

He said nothing and she left, closing the door quietly behind her.

 

She barely remembered driving home, angry and hurt as she was.  Tears pushed behind her eyes at the thought of him just… god! He’d been so sweetly vulnerable, so warm and loving last night. Then to see him like this… and why? _Why_ was he acting like this? Why did he deliberately try to hurt her? What did she do that was so horrible?

 

Nothing. No, it wasn’t anything _she_ had done. By the time she made it home she had worked out that he was scared. It was all part of what he was going through, a part of his grieving. That was it, she was sure, but what was to be done about it? She couldn’t exactly force herself on him. If he didn’t want her help, didn’t want her around she wasn’t about to… still. That was all well and good, but he couldn’t just go around tearing through people’s feelings. JJ wasn’t sure what to do next. She knew though, that she wouldn’t abandon him. She’d find a work-around. She’d help him whether he knew it or not. Just not at the expense of her own feelings.

 

And last night? Try as she might, JJ just couldn’t think of that as a mistake. He’d been brilliant and amazing and warm and loving and wonderful and… god, so _sexy!_ And he’d _needed_ her. She was glad they’d slept together. No matter what kind of a little shit he was acting like right now, she wasn’t going to let him take that away from her. Besides, something _did_ come from it. He was up and cleaning and cooking and he said he’d be in this week so… progress. Progress.

 

She tried to look at the bigger picture in all this. JJ never wanted to think poorly of Spencer, she loved him, but neither was she a sap. She didn’t want to be taken for granted, but she did want to help him. Last night changed a few things, but not all. He still had his problem. She was under no delusion that fucking her had cured all his ills, but she did see a change and she felt it was altogether positive. She’d come a little way in breaking down his walls. She was sure she was up to the challenge of helping him through this, she just wasn’t exactly sure how. Yet.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“JJ I thought you said Reid told you he’d be coming in this week,” Hotch said as he entered the briefing room where she was setting up.

 

JJ moved around the table, putting tablets at everyone’s place. “That’s what he said.” She looked up at Hotch.

 

“I expected him yesterday, he’d left a message on my phone. Have you spoken to him since then?”

 

“No, I haven’t,” she said, a twinge of bitterness creeping into her voice. She cleared her throat and continued… “He hasn’t called, at all.”

 

Hotch was about to respond but he noticed her downcast eyes and tense movements. Knowing they were close, he figured she was still worried about him.

 

“I’m sure he’s fine, JJ. He’s probably still just trying to figure things out. When did you last see him?”

 

“Monday.”

 

“Alright, if he doesn’t come in today, I’ll call him. Thanks, JJ.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For keeping tabs on him. We all appreciate it.”

 

She kept her face still. Hotch had no idea that his remarks stung. Oh, she’d ‘tabbed’ him alright. Cleaned his house, bathed him, fed him, soothed him, fucked him. Initially, she thought she might have done some good, but he just slid right back into his isolation as soon as she’d left. This was Friday and she’d been back twice to knock on his door, and called him at least once a day. There had been no answer.

 

She forced herself to give a little smile to Hotch and said, “What are friends for?”

 

Penelope came jangling in, “Hey my beauties, sorry to interrupt but Derek asked me to tell you that he wouldn’t be able to make the briefing and he’s sorry and he’ll catch up later. Okay? Okay.”

 

She turned to go and Hotch and JJ shared a quick confused glance.

 

“Garcia,” Hotch said.

 

She stopped where she was, her back to both agents.

 

“What was his excuse?”

 

She slowly turned back around and looked at them. “See, I told him you would ask me that and I said I couldn’t lie and he said that’s okay just say it’s personal but…”

 

“Garcia-“ Hotch’s stern look said he needed the truth now.

 

She took a deep breath and blurted out “Reid’s been arrested. He went to bail him out.”

 

“WHAT?”, JJ nearly shouted. “ _What happened?”_

 

Hotch’s gaze was locked on her with laser precision and he asked “Has he been charged?”

 

Penelope gulped and answered her boss “Derek didn’t have much info, but it looks like he got into a fight last night. He’s been charged with battery.”

 

Hotch reached for his phone as he said “Garcia _always_ come to me first with anything like this. Understood?”

 

“Yes sir. Sorry sir… I just- I just heard. And Derek was… and oh god. Is Reid gonna be okay?”

 

JJ looked at Hotch, her own phone at her ear. “Morgan’s not answering. Hotch I need to get to Spence’s. That’s probably where they’re headed.”

 

Aaron gave a quick nod and said to her, his phone still at his ear, “Briefing postponed until further notice.”

 

JJ nodded and left quickly, patting Penelope’s arm as she went by. She looked at her and said “It’ll be fine, I’ll call you.”

 

Hotch cast a stern glance at Garcia and said “Agent Rossi will be here any minute. Fill him in.” before turning on his heel and heading quickly towards his own office, saying into his phone “Yes, this is SSA Aaron Hotchner, one of my agents was brought in…”

 

Penelope stood in the now-empty briefing room, her arms folded against herself, for once, not knowing where to look or what to do.

 

Two hours went by and JJ was sitting on the floor in front of Spencer’s door, just waiting for them to get there. If he was already home she would kick his ass for not opening the door but she didn’t think this was the case. She hadn’t heard a peep in there and her senses told her the apartment was empty. So she sat, and waited, thumbing through her phone looking online for any news reports that might have shown up. Nary a peep, and she figured that Hotch was on top of it, squelching any reports that might show a member of the BAU in any harsh light.

 

Morgan turned the corner in the hallway just then, supporting a very banged-up young genius. JJ jumped up and said “Finally!” when she saw them, her eyes meeting Morgan’s. He looked at her grimly, giving a quick shake of his head, his lips pressed together. She staggered a bit as Derek leaned the wobbly Spencer up against her and JJ was hit with the strong smell of alcohol. He produced Reid’s keys and opened his door, trading them off to JJ and supporting Spencer once again. Spencer leaned wayyy over as Derek held him, aiming but failing to reach her ear and slurred in a loud whisper “What are youuuuu doing here?”

 

She just looked at him sideways and holding her breath said “Right now I’m asking myself the same question.” She took in his injuries at a glance, mostly contusions and his right eye was nearly swollen shut but there was one nasty jagged cut that looked deep just above his left eyebrow. “Spence…” she said softly, her expression falling into worry.

 

 Morgan spoke then and said “JJ put on coffee, I’ll get him to bed.”

 

“But his face…”

 

“I know where the bandaids are.”

 

“But…”

 

“JJ. Please. He’s heavier than he looks. He keeps his coffee in the fridge…”

 

He started down the hallway as Spencer choked out a bitter laugh, then said “She knows where it is…”

 

Morgan quickly caught her eye and was surprised to see her flush. She just as quickly looked away and headed for the kitchen, busying herself with the damned coffee.

 

Twenty minutes later Derek came back down the hall. Safe in the comfort of his own bed, Spencer had passed out quickly. Derek had washed his face and butterflied the nasty cut, although there really wasn’t anything to be done about the bruises. He made him swallow some ibuprofen and set him on the bed, taking his shoes off and Spencer leaned back, turning his battered face into the pillow. Derek pulled up the blanket to cover him and Spencer murmured “It smells like her… my pillow smells like her.” 

Derek’s ever-active eyebrows arched in surprise at that, pretty much figuring out he could only mean one person. And together with what he said before, it almost confirmed it. He smiled and let himself be touched by his realization. Good for them, he thought. Good for them.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Derek walked back into the living room and saw JJ at the kitchen table, coffee at the ready.

 

“Only one cup?” he asked.

 

“Last time I looked there was only one of him,” she nodded at the cup: “black with a truckload of sugar.”

 

“ _I’m_ black with a truckload of sugar!” he smiled at his own joke. “And the coffee was for you and me.”

 

JJ smiled too, and looked down at her hands. Morgan could always crack her up. “You got him in bed, he’s okay?”

 

Morgan dropped his smile. “For now. Gonna be hell to pay when he wakes up. Are you staying, or am I?”

 

JJ side-eyed and said “I think he’d rather it be you.” Her eyebrows climbed into her hairline as she got up to get them both mugs.

 

“I’m not so sure.” He replied.

 

She came back to the table with the coffee and sat. “What do you mean?”

 

“Pretty Boy’s been making a lot of bad decisions lately…” Morgan paused, his voice low…”but getting with you wasn’t one of them.”

 

JJ looked at him fully. “What did he tell you?”

 

Back at the station he begged me not to tell you what happened. He knew you’d be the first person I’d call, but he made me swear. Why would he do that unless he wanted to spare you, and spare himself the embarrassment of you seeing him in that condition. Why would he do that unless he cared?”

 

“He knows I’m there for him, he knows-“

 

“Cut the crap, JJ. When I was just in there the last thing he said, his last conscious thought before passing out was “ _My pillow smells like her_ ” as he buried his face in it.

 

“Morgan, he’s drunk.”

 

“Derek leaned back in his chair and regarded her. “Okay, if that’s the way you want to play it, I’ll leave it alone. But you can’t tell me I’m wrong, can you?”

 

“She looked at the ceiling, tears threatening, and after a long pause said “He doesn’t have room for me, Derek, he doesn’t. His grief is so powerful, so intense, _still!_ I came here Sunday, crawled through the window and procedure-cleared the room because I thought someone had done something to him. I thought he might be in danger. He just sat there on the couch in his dirty robe and his beard-

 

“His beard?”

 

She nodded and continued, “-and he just was completely nonplussed that someone would come through his window. Like it happened to him every day. I got him showered and fed and… and first he pushed me away but then he wanted me to stay and I said of course and we just… he needed…” she broke off and raised her eyes to Derek’s expression of calm understanding.

 

 And then she did let the tears come.

 

“Look, I understand, ok?” He got up to get her a napkin. “I get it. JJ you didn’t do anything wrong. He’s had feelings for you for years, you know that. He is just not himself right now. You know damn well that when he comes out of this he is going to be grateful you were here, that you helped, that you cared. You were the perfect person to help him the other night. I’m _glad_ you were here for him.”

 

She took the napkin from him and dabbed her eyes.

 

“ _He’s_ not.” She said, looking into her mug. He barely spoke two words to me the next morning, and he hasn’t called or picked up once, or answered his door… he… and you heard him out there! He doesn’t want me here, Derek. He doesn’t want my help, or anything else of me.”

 

“So why are you here?”

 

The simple question caught her off-guard and she sat back in her chair and looked straight at him.

 

“Because I have to be.”

 

He slapped the tabletop with his hand and said “That’s what I’m talkin’ about.” He smiled and stood up. “Listen I know I’m leaving him in very capable hands, but promise me you’ll call if you need _anything_.”

 

She stood up too. “You’re going?”

 

“Yeah, I’m gonna go fill Hotch in, check in with Baby Girl.” He gestured towards the bedroom; “He’ll probably sleep it off and then be a bear when he wakes up. You ready?”

 

She grimaced, but said “Sure” anyway. “What about the battery charge? You think Hotch can get it reduced?”

 

“The other guy didn’t look one tenth as bad as Reid. If this gets to court I’ll be very surprised, plus considering how Hotch would be Reid’s lawyer, it’s in this guy’s best interest to crawl away and lick his wounds.”

 

She nodded, agreeing. Hotch was still unmatched in the courtroom.

 

He moved over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Look, I know you’re tough, but don’t _take_ any disrespect. That happens, you come tell me. Sometimes a guy just needs to hear shit from another guy.”

 

“I can handle it” she said, smiling as she moved to hug him.

 

“No doubt,” he said. He walked to the door and she waved at him.

 

“Tell Pen to call me later.”  

 

“Will do.”

 

He left and JJ moved to the couch, grabbing the remote control. She felt awkward being there still, but it did feel better to talk about it, and if she had left she’d have just worried about Spence all night long anyway. At least this way maybe she could… well she could at the very least just _be_ here, regardless if he wanted her to or not.  

 

Derek walked into the BAU and made a turn for Penelope’s den before going anywhere else. Kevin was just coming out and he said “Oh hey Derek,” and extended his hand.

 

Morgan really didn’t have any time for this joker. He respected his abilities with code but beyond that, he really didn’t get what Penelope saw in him, why she dated him. Still, he returned the handshake, saying “Hey man.”

 

Kevin said, “She wouldn’t tell me what, but something’s got her all worked up. Lately she’s been doing this research on grief like nobody’s business, and today she’s been obsessed with assault and battery statutes and durations and sentencing and… wow.”

 

Morgan tilted his head. “That’s the job, man. You know how it is.” He moved to go around Kevin, who started to stop Morgan again but he just raised his hand. “Not now Kevin. We can talk later if you need to.”

 

Kevin nodded and said “Okay, good that’s fine, have a spiffy day…” and turned to go. Morgan opened the door to Pen’s office, shaking his head.

 

“Kevin I told you I don’t have time for you right now, I’ve got to find a pattern here and then there’s JJ to call and-“

 

“Derek to hug…” Morgan finished for her, doing his best impression of her voice.

 

She spun her chair around and blasted her gigantic smile right at him. “Angel of my life I’ve been so worried about you! About Reid! About both of you! What’s happening? Sit! Sit!”

 

“Uh-uh mama, not till I get a proper greeting. I’ve earned it.” He opened his arms and she melted into them, her relief at seeing him genuine, like everything about her… minus the hair color.

 

“My perfect greek soldier god, you have but to ask and I’m yours.” She looked up into his eyes and said “How is he, really?”

 

He released her, sitting on the edge of her desk and said “Uh, Baby Girl, I really wish I had an answer for that one. He’s suffering. He’s doing things you would never think him even remotely capable of. Seriously.”

 

“Grief makes you do the wacky.”

 

“I hear that.”

 

“Does he know that he has all of us? That we are at his beckon-call?”

 

“Deep down, but he’s not accessing that right now. He’s isolating and hatin’. It’s gonna take some time.”

 

“Well, Hotch has postponed the briefing until further notice, so… lunch? You can fill me in. Did JJ stay with him?” she asked as she grabbed his hand.

 

“Yes, she did.” And his pointed look at her spoke volumes. “But lunch fast, mama. I’ve got to get back and clue Hotch into what went down.”

 

“You got it. Olivia for frites and crunchy veggies?

 

“Nah. I want a burger…” he said as he held the door for her.

 

“Dan’s it is.”

 

They left her office beaming at each other, never noticing the other Tech Analyst at the end of the hallway… noticing them. He had asked her to lunch, too.

 


	6. Chapter 6

A few hours had passed, and JJ was loathe to wake him, but she did want to check on him. Quietly opening the door she saw him move restlessly in his sleep. The only time she’d ever seen him sleep still was when they had…

She crept inside and went to stand beside his bed, looking at him. So precious, she thought. Her heart went out to him as he turned on his side, clutching the pillow she had used to himself, rubbing his poor, damaged face against it. She couldn’t help but reach her hand out to touch his hair, smoothing it back from his face. 

He stirred, and she pulled her hand back. She turned to go back out when he murmured “Will you lay with me?”

She turned back around to see him looking at her, eyes… or in this case “eye” wide. 

“Spence,” she said, unsure.

“Please?”

“I’m not… I don’t think…”

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you one bit. I’m such a jerk.” He turned back on his side, pulling the pillow closer.

“No you’re not. You’re in pain, Spence. Even more now.” She went around to ‘her’ side of the bed and sat, tilting her head to get a better look at his face in the semi-darkness. 

“Where’s Morgan?”

“He left, but I can call him for you if you-“

“No.”

“Can I get you anything? You need motrin or…?”

“You’ve already given me what I need. I just didn’t say thanks.”

“You did, actually. Just not much else after.”

“JJ will you lay with me?” He asked again.

She thought better of it but layed down anyway, stretching out on top of the covers, facing him, her head propped up on one elbow. “You have my pillow.”

He nuzzled it and said, “It makes me feel better. It smells like you.”

“So I hear.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t treat me like that again.”

He reached for her hand. She let her fingers intertwine with his.

“I can’t… I can’t promise I won’t. I can promise to… try. I mean really try… but I just don’t know for sure that… there’s something off about me right now, JJ. It’s making me do, say things… not say things.

She could tell he was still a little drunk, but that he was trying to be honest with her. His voice sounded so small…

“It doesn’t feel like me, but I don’t know how to stop it or change it back. I would do it if I could. I just don’t know how.”

“Have you thought about counseling? The BAU knows the best in the business. Garcia runs her own group, maybe she could recommend someone for you to talk to?”

“I dunno, maybe. That’s a good idea, actually. I just haven’t wanted to talk to or see anyone at all. Not even you guys.”

“Spence, why? That was what really hurt the most this past week. I couldn’t figure out why you wouldn’t want to talk to me. I mean, I get that you didn’t want the whole office traipsing through your house, but me? Especially after-“

“Especially after…” he interrupted. “C’mere”, he whispered as he reached for her. She let herself be folded into his arms and he rested his chin on her head as he told her, “I’m going to tell you and then I don’t want to talk about it any more, okay?”

“Maybe.”

“Not today. Not for a while.”

“Alright, not any more today.”

He paused, and she could hear him take a deep breath. 

“What you did, what we did, was… incredible. It was beautiful and perfect and exactly what I needed at that moment, or any moment ever. And it was you, all you. You’re a wonderful human being, JJ, a gorgeous, perfect woman and so generous and passionate and giving… and it was so intense and I just felt every moment of it and felt so lucky that you chose me to be with and share that with, and when it was over I slept deeper and better than I ever had in my life. And when I woke up the next morning I was completely terrified.”

JJ lay in his arms, his description bringing tears to her eyes that she couldn’t hold back, she didn’t try to. She lifted her head and looked into his eyes – god he looked so awful – she reached a hand up and he turned his face to touch his lips to her palm. “Tell me why,” she whispered. 

“I’ve lost her. I loved her and I lost her and it nearly killed me. I never even touched her. Imagine what it would be like if that were magnified. Imagine if you and I were to be together and I lost you too! JJ I can’t. I can’t do it. I felt those feelings again, I did. After we made love I was stunned and happy and my mind was filled with you and I just…”

He paused again and he wiped his own tears away and she listened and her heart broke for him. She knew throughout his life everyone dear to him, everyone he’d loved had somehow left him. His coward father abandoned them, his mother and her schizophrenia, Gideon and his breakdown, even Emily for a time… now Maeve, murdered. She knew it was this, she knew but she didn’t know how to help him, other than give him more of what was making him so afraid. 

“I can’t love you.” he said, his tears spilling over. He saw her crying too and he leaned over and kissed where hers fell on her cheeks. 

She reached up and gingerly brought his head to hers, touching her lips softly, delicately to his swollen, bruised mouth. She looked him in the eyes and asked, “Are you telling me you’re in love with me?”

He nodded then pulled away, sitting up and putting his head in his hands. “And I’m such a stupid moron that I treated you like garbage the next day, and then it kept eating at me how I treated you so I went out and got beat up on purpose thinking it would make me feel somehow better… that I was getting what I deserved! I deserve way worse than this! I’m a psychotic idiot and I don’t even deserve to be your friend let alone love you!”

He threw the covers back and tried to stand but she stopped him. “Listen, just listen,” she said calmly. She moved so she was sitting next to him, both their legs hanging off the side of the bed. She put one hand on his back and lightly rubbed it as she said. “You are none of those things and we’re gonna figure this out, Spence, we are. We are going to see where this takes us and we aren’t going to make any rules except that we are honest with each other.”

He looked at her, hope in his eyes, and she could see she was getting through. 

“I can do that,” she said, “because that’s what being in love is. Because being honest with you has never been hard. We’ve avoided some things – some really important things - but we don’t have to do that any more. Do you think you can be honest with me, like you just were?” She took his hand and squeezed it. 

His wrecked face did its best to smile at her. Fleeting and brief, but it was there. “I want to do that. And I trust you more than anyone I know… but JJ… I won’t be perfect. I just know sometimes I’m going to be an asshole… as much as I never want to be.”

“I’ll be an asshole too, sometimes. Nobody’s perfect, Spence.”

“So here we sit, a couple of assholes.”

“Yep.”

He did grin at that, and she said “And you’re a smelly one, too. Go shower!” 

He got up then, and headed for the bathroom. “Oh you think because I love you you can boss me around now?”

“You’re going, aren’t you? Besides, I’ve always bossed you around.”

He chuckled a little at that and looked back at her. “You’ll be here when I get out?” 

She looked at him, her eyes soft with understanding. “Right here.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Come in, Morgan.” Hotch’s expression was more severe than usual.

Derek walked into his office, knowing he was in for it. He stood looking at Hotch, waiting for the other man to speak.

“Have a seat.” Hotch said, sitting down at his desk.

“Hotch, I know-“

“No, you don’t ‘know’, Morgan. You don’t have the slightest idea what I’m going to say so just listen.”

“Look I know I-“

“Yes, you did mess up, and I’ll thank you again to wait until I’m finished.”

Morgan looked down, then back up, meeting Hotch’s eyes. He chewed the inside of his cheek to keep from blurting a response. Hotch returned his stare.

“You broke protocol. After you being arrested yourself and knowing what that’s like, that is _the last thing_ I’d ever expect from you. You jeopardized Reid’s situation and you thought to hide it from me until… when?”

“Hotch he had just called me. I didn’t even really know what was up myself. I thought it better to hold off calling you until I’d spoken to him, until I had the whole story.”

“Yet you called Garcia.”

“Instinct. She’s always number one on speed-dial. I also knew I’d be missed at the briefing so I thought she could alert you.”

“And you wouldn’t have to answer any questions from me. You also put her in a bad position, did you think of that?”

“I was… I was just thinking about Reid at the time. Hotch, I’m sorry. But you know how he’s been, we’ve all been worried about him.”

“Why didn’t he call me himself? He knows procedure.”

“I’m guessing because he was drunk. Really drunk. Most guys would rather see their brother than their boss in that situation.”

Hotch looked down at the blotter on his desk and paused, then said “The charge is serious, Morgan. Reid could be in a lot of trouble.”

“Hotch that guy was barely scratched. Reid went out looking for a fight, yeah, but believe me, he got the worst of it. You need to go talk to him, see for yourself.”

Hotch stood up. “If anything like this happens again, ever, you need to let me know right away. I could’ve headed off some of this had I known from the get-go. You’re dismissed.” His stern look brooked no argument.

Derek nodded, then moved to leave, pausing to ask “You’ll defend him?”

Hotch opened the door. “If it comes to that.”

 

Spencer lay on the sofa with his head in JJ’s lap, asleep. She’d put on one of his classical albums, Beethoven was too severe so she chose Schubert and and fixed him a hot pocket (god how did he eat those things) from his freezer. Now she sat absently stroking his poor, sore head as he slept peacefully, a copy of Neil Gaiman’s “Neverwhere” in her other hand. 

She heard a soft rap on the door, and assuming it was Penelope, covered Spencer’s ear and said “Come in” as loud as she dared.

Aaron Hotchner opened the door and saw JJ’s blonde head from behind, then came in as she raised her arm and waved him in. JJ started when she heard him clear his throat, jumping a little. Spencer didn’t move.

“Sir!” she said. “Sorry, I was expecting Pen- _Garcia!_ She finished, whispering.

Hotch pushed his hands down in the universal “don’t get up” gesture and lowered his own voice as he saw the sleeping Reid. A bit taken aback to find him in JJ’s lap, but nonetheless not wanting to wake him suddenly.

“I’ve heard her name a lot more than usual today”, he said, keeping his voice low. “I’m beginning to wonder who’s really running this Unit, her or me.” He smiled ruefully.

JJ smiled in relief, noticing her awkward position, but not apologizing for it either.

“Morgan fill you in?” she asked, whispering.

“You guys can quit whispering…” Spencer murmured. He sat up and smoothed his hair. Hotch grimaced as he took in Reid’s injuries, his damaged face, but just as quickly wiped it away.  
“You’ll survive?”

Spencer nodded slowly, “Odd’s are.”

“Well if anyone would know the odds, it’d be you.”

Both men gave a small smile at that and JJ said, pointing down the hall, “I’ll go do the… thing.”

Spencer looked at her, “Please stay. Hotch you can say anything in front of her.” He slowly took her hand in his and JJ met his eyes, squeezing his gently.

Hotch looked at their entwined hands, mildly surprised, though not really. His heart did a little extra beat for them, though he was careful not to show it.

He outlined what Spencer was facing and said that he did have connections, but he didn’t think he’d have to use them. Spencer asked him to represent him and Hotch told him from this moment forth anything Reid told him would be privileged. As a former prosecutor, Hotch knew exactly what they’d be going for. Still, a Fed of Reid’s reputation didn’t come across the bench very often, and Hotch was confident things would end in favor of his client.

“Will Strauss even _let_ you defend me?” he asked.

“The Bureau won’t be involved. It’s a civil matter.”

“Hotch, are we even telling her?” JJ asked.

He pressed his lips into a line and looked at her, silent.

They understood. “Can this come back on Spence if they find out?” she pressed.

“Everything I’m doing from here on in is within the law.” He stood to go. “Reid, when you’re up to it, we’ll need to recap what happened, exactly. I’m assuming you made a statement at the police station?”

“Yes.”

“Was it accurate?”

“For the most part.”

“I’ll have a copy sent to my office and we’ll go over it together, that is, assuming Garcia doesn’t already have a complete file waiting for me when I get back.”

They smiled at that, and Spencer and JJ stood up as they all walked over to the door. Spencer opened it and said “Thanks for coming by, Hotch. And thanks for being on my side.”

Aaron looked at him and said. “We all are. I hope you know that.”

He nodded at that, then thought for a second that Hotch would hug him, but instead he turned to JJ and said in all seriousness, “I can see he’s in good hands. I’ll see you at the BAU in the morning?”

“Yes sir,” she replied.

“You two take care.” And he was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

 

Spencer closed the door. “Wow that wasn’t too weird.” He said.

 

“He needed to do that, you know that right? He needed to make sure you were okay.”

 

“I know. I just feel lucky to still have my head at all. I thought for sure he’d take it off.”

 

“Speaking of”, she said, sliding her arms around his waist, “How do you feel?”

 

“Bad headache, aching jaw, pressure from all the swelling… basically all the stuff that’s really sexy and attractive to my new girlfriend.”

 

“Uh-huh.” She said, lightly grabbing his chin and moving his face back and forth. “Babe if possible you look worse than yesterday.”

 

“Contusions nearly always get worse before they get better. Especially if they are in a location like the face where the blood vessels run close to the surface of the skin. The reparative process-”

 

She smiled up at him. “- _There’s_ my brilliant man. Welcome back, sweetheart.” She tiptoed and kissed him lightly on his nose.

 

His hands went around her waist and he sobered. “Thanks for looking out for me, JJ. Thanks for caring.”

 

She layed her head against his chest and held him tight. “God, Spence. When I think about everything you’ve been through… and how nobody deserves any of it less than you do… I swear nobody or no thing is ever going to hurt you again. Not while I’m around.”

 

He looked down into her face as she lifted her head. He bent to kiss her and she responded, kissing him back with more force than she had intended.

 

“Ow,” he said, his bruised lips protesting.

 

She laughed then, and said “Nothing except, apparently, my kisses.” She broke away from him and grabbed his hands, walking backwards toward the hallway and pulling him along. “Why don’t we see if I can find some part of you that _doesn’t_ hurt?”

 

“That might be kind of hard.”

 

“Only ‘kind of’?”

 

He flushed red at her joke and smiled shyly as she led him down the hall and into his room.

 

Broad daylight and she knew he’d be shy. She started slow, brushing his hair from his eyes, touching his damaged lips, and following with light, soft kisses, letting her other hand wander, lightly caressing his chest through his shirt as she kissed down his long neck. She let the tip of her tongue flick against his throat and she latched her lips against the warm skin in the hollow. He moaned softly and dropped his head back, bringing his hand up and tangling his fingers in her soft hair.

 

She started undoing his shirt and kissing down his torso. He stopped her. He took both of her hands in his and said “JJ… it’s pretty bad.”

 

Alarmed, she pushed his shirt off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. She scanned him then and saw the full extent of his injuries, sucking in her breath. “Spence, god, baby!” Her eyes flashed anger at the jerk that had done this to him, at the same time they filled with tears. His entire right side was purple and blue and green, with more bruising across his left upper chest.

 

She pulled him down next to her on the bed, gingerly wrapping her arms around him and began crying softly. Spencer kissed her forehead and said “Shh… it’ll be okay, I’m okay, alright? Shhh…” He wrapped his arms around her then too and rocked a little, back and forth, murmuring to her and just holding her as her tears fell. “I’m just so skinny… it looks worse than it is. JJ, beautiful please don’t cry…”

 

He looked up at the ceiling, upset that he’d shocked her with his appearance. It hurt pretty bad, but he could take it, and he didn’t want her worrying like this. She leaned back, wiping her eyes and said, “What can I do? How can I help you feel better? Spence, it looks so…” her face crumpled as she lightly ran her hands over his injury and said “It looks so painful…”

 

“It hurts, but I’ll be okay, please don’t worry, don’t be upset.”

 

“I am upset, and you should be in bed. You need to lie down and stay down until this heals a little more. Is anything broken?”

 

He looked sheepish as he confessed “Two ribs, but they didn’t want to wrap it until the swelling went down.”

 

“Come here.” She pulled back his covers and he slid into bed, moving slowly. He worked his belt open and hesitated for just a second before pulling them down, exposing another football-sized bruise on his thigh. JJ dropped her hands to her side and just looked at him, pressing her lips together in anger. Not directed at him, but she couldn’t help it… this was her precious friend, her love, finally hers and that bastard would not get away with doing this to him.

 

She went to the bathroom as much to give herself a moment as to get him some ibuprofen, and when she came out and gave it to him, she started removing her clothes too. “Take this, and I’m getting in there with you. I need to be close to you right now,” she said, taking no argument, not that he would put up one. She didn’t think she’d ever get the memory of his beaten body out of her head. She went around and crawled in beside him, immediately leaning in to kiss him softly, her lips gentle on his, so swollen.

 

“I asked for this, you know, I did,” he said. And it jarred something loose. I’m going to be moving slowly for a while JJ but… I’ll be okay.”

 

They lay side by side, looking into each other’s eyes and she held his hand to her chest as he talked, her thumb rubbing slowly against it, her other hand brushing his hair back from his forehead. “I know you will. I’ll make sure of it. You aren’t alone any more, baby,” she whispered.

 

Hot tears pressed behind his sore eyes at that. She always knew just what to say to get inside his heart.

 

“God, JJ. If I’d have known this long, terrible journey was what finally brought you to me, finally brought us together… I just… I want you to know that I would do it all again, in a heartbeat. I mean, I would never sacrifice Maeve again, ever, but subsequently everything I’ve been through… I’d do it all again just to have you. Just to be here the way we are, right now. This feels so… perfect.”

 

She nodded, bringing his hand to her lips and kissing it. “I know.” She moved in closer, gently embracing him and sliding her arms up his back, slowly pressing herself against his chest. “Am I hurting you?” she asked, careful not to hold him too tight.

 

He winced a little, but said “Uh-uh, not much. And I want you this close. Closer…” he said as he pulled her in. The contact with her warm skin eased the pain, and her breasts against his chest felt amazing. He breathed in the jasmine scent of her hair and breathed out, sighing. God she smelled so good. She always did.

 

JJ slowly, softly, started planting little kisses on his clavicle, moving up to dust her lips across his adam’s apple, sliding her nose up under his jawline and letting her soft lips follow. She nuzzled against him and whispered, “Tell me if I hurt you baby.”

 

Spencer’s eyes were closed, his breathing becoming rapid and he felt himself growing hard against her taut stomach, injuries be damned. “JJ” he breathed, “I can’t… god, beautiful I can’t do-“

 

“Shhh, precious,” she whispered. “Lie still. Do you trust me?”

 

The look he gave her stabbed into her very soul and she nodded, smiling. “Then just relax,” she said as she pushed him gently onto his back, sliding between his legs in one fluid movement. He sucked in his breath as her hand encircled him, stroking him slowly from base to head and back again, her thumb sliding over his sensitive tip as she looked into his eyes. “Stay very still baby, promise? I’m going to stop if I sense I’m hurting you at all.”

 

He nodded, but the last thing he wanted her to do was stop. She kissed him gently, still stroking his hard cock and she slipped her tongue over his lips, licking lightly and teasing. Every time she pulled back his eyes were on her, watching, unsure what she was going to do next. She kissed him deeper, still mindful of his broken face, still stroking him, harder now, and she lifted his hand to her breast. He moaned against her mouth as he felt her nipple harden, her soft, warm, firm breast pliable and giving in his hand. She felt herself getting wetter as he palmed her breast, gently squeezing her nipple now, and lightly pinching. She lifted herself slightly and he latched on, his warm mouth sucking her nipple, making it even harder than before and she felt herself twitch inside in anticipation.

 

His hand was still on her breast as he sucked and squeezed it at the same time, then she surprised him by taking his hand and putting it against her sex. Her nipple still in his mouth, she moved so he could slide his long fingers into her, first one, then two. She gasped as she felt him reach into her, his thumb making contact with her clit for the briefest second, driving her crazy. “Spence…” she whispered as she dropped her head back. She loved what his hand was doing but she slowly pulled it out, moaned lightly and said “Baby I want to taste you now.” She ran her hand down his good side, following with little kisses that made him shiver as she worked her way back down to his cock. She grasped him fully and stroked a few more times and Spencer groaned as she slipped his head into her wet, warm mouth, tongue swirling around the tip, catching just under the ridge. He was panting and his eyes closed, but he opened them to look at her again and to watch her mouth on him.

 

Spencer had never experienced this and he couldn’t believe the intense sensations she was causing. “JJ…I… JJ god!” he gasped. He buried his hands in her silken hair and he felt it fall all around his thighs as she took him deeper into her mouth, tongue swirling back and forth and around as she stroked him. His eyes rolled back in his head as she sucked and stroked long, deep strokes the length of him and he’d never felt anything like this. He felt like the center of his universe was there in her mouth and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. JJ brought her other hand up as she continued licking and stroking him and began lightly massaging his balls and it was all he could take. She sensed he was close and moved faster, sliding her wet mouth up and down his shaft, faster and faster, then slow and deliberate as she felt the first jerk of his orgasm. “Mmmmmm,” she moaned as she tasted him letting go, him crying out and arching his back as he was coming into her mouth again and again… and again.

 

She swallowed all he had and moved to lay beside him as he reached for her, staring at her through half-closed, glittering eyes. He was looking at her like she was some sort of magical angel and she smiled at his adorable reaction. She snuggled against him as he turned on his side to get a better look at her as she pulled the sheet up over the both of them. She looked into his stunned, sweet eyes and put her hand to his cheek. “Feel better?” she asked, taking his hand and kissing it again. He nodded and looked at her with such intense love and it dug into her heart. “I love you.” was all he could say. Then he laughed softly and gathered her into his arms. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…” he kept repeating as he rocked her gently back and forth.

 

JJ let herself be wrapped up in his warmth, loving the rumble of his gentle laugh that she hadn’t heard in so long. She let herself be held and rocked and loved and her heart melted. She heard his declarations and exulted in his joy, his admission. She smiled and pressed her lips to his chest as he held her and whispered “I love you too, beautiful, precious man… my Spence…”  

 

 


End file.
